Dr. Roboto

We're just a couple of robot doctors. I check your oil while you check my heart.

what we need

There was a vote and for the sake of national unity us west coasters voted for a few weeks of unseasonable cold and snow. Never mind that most areas of this Great White Land consider a high of -2C to be quite fair for the first day of Winter, out here we call it cold in the strongest sense of the word. We here are all anguishing in the harsh depths of a 'wet cold'. Our non-native palm trees are suffering. I read in the newspaper that this year has the making to be the first coast-to-coast 'White Christmas' since 1971, and because it was in the newspaper that must be significant. With all of the ill will, hate, and hurt coming from our nation's capital recently, we needed this nationwide 'White Christmas' to bring us together. I only hope that come January, when all of our west coast snow is gone and we've gone back to complaining about how cold and gloomy the rain is, the rest of the nation will think of us and remember our sacrifice.

so long, cook

It seems that my days as a Cook Street Village outskirter are coming to a close. The neighbourhood granted us really nice final weekend of dwellership, with its get-togethering at our place and potluckery down the street. There is still next weekend, though I presume that it will be dominated by packing and cleaning. For December we will be alternating between living in the shadow of Mount Dougy (at Shauna's parent's house), on the sunny beaches of Mexico, hunting for 'partments in Vancouver and (for me) 'chilling' in the snow-speckled city of Saskatoon. I have given notice at work and I welcome my forthcoming unemployment. It will be a well deserved respite. The promise of change is invigorating me and that heathy pinkish-hue is returning to my skin (and to my old blood-thumper {heart! [a metaphor!!]}). Things are good.

knowing me knowing you

I was challenged to an "Abba throwdown".

"Oh no! Chloroform!"

For this year's Hallowe'en I dressed up as the the young, globetrotting reporter with the name so nice you say it twice.

I was attempting to emulate the pose on the comic that I'm holding, but that is not readily apparent due to the glare of the flash. Also, this photo was taken at the end of the day and unfortunately my hair has begun to fall back to its natural state.

As well, in the spirit of this adventurous reporter, I will be heading to sunny Mexico this December with my constant companion, the ever-drunk-on-whiskey Captain McGinnis, in order to report on some sort of drug smuggling scheme or something. Don't expect to see my reporting in any newspaper or periodical though. That's not how young Tintin works, so neither do I!

a bad night.

The other night I took a walk in an attempt to relieve myself of the deeply gloomy mood that I was in. My spirits were beginning to lift until a man swerved around the corner on his bike. He proceeded to jump off the bike (crashing it to the pavement), hurl himself on to a lawn, and sob deeply and painfully. I wondered if he had some real troubles or if he was just drunk and heartbroken. Either way it was a real downer to witness that.

I feel much better today. Hopefully Mr. Sobs does too.

Yes, very erotic.

Being moderately hungover and fatigued at work on Saturday, the following interaction with a rather normal looking, early 40's-ish woman was the clear highlight of the morning.

(Woman approaches me at a checkout desk)

Woman: Where would I find your erotic section?

Me: Oh, we have two separate areas. I'll show you. (I walk her to the erotic romance novels, which are generally geared towards women.)

Woman: Oh, thanks. (looks around) Hmmm. I don't think that you have the series that I am looking for. You have some of the author's regular romance novels, but there is a specific erotic fantasy series that I'm looking for. I bought the first in the series here and I was hoping to flip through some of the others to see if they are as good as the first one.

Me: Well, if we've had the first book in the store before, it's very likely that we could order the others in for you.

Woman: No thanks, don't go to the trouble. I don't know if I want to order them without having a chance to look at them first, but it's good to know that I could. Now, you said you had another section. I remember seeing one with a lot more S & M sort of stuff.

Me: Yeah, you just walk up past that desk and take a left.

Woman: Thanks for all your help! (Walks towards the other erotic section.)

...

The highlight of the afternoon was working in the stockroom and not having to talk to anyone.

It's a gas, gas, gas!

I dreamt that I was a real saxophone colossus. Specifically, I, on a whim, decided to join a concert band and randomly picked the saxophone as my instrument. On my first blow I was able to play most of Coltrane's repertoire as well as 'Jumping Jack Flash'. I played so hard that the reed shredded in my mouth. However, things quickly went down hill when I discovered that I needed to buy my own sax (a musician's term for the saxophone) for the band. At one point in my search for the perfect (cheap) sax I was forced to sleep in my own filth in an alley just like a real jazz musician. When I finally found the perfect (cheap) sax for me I woke up and was quite disappointed.

Part of me wants to obtain a cheap (perfect) sax so that I can test whether these dream talents will transfer to reality.

This for now.

My vacation to sunny Saskatoon and watery Waskesiu was a refreshing escape from the drudgery of the norm. Buckling down is what I must be doing now. I have jobs to do. I have two jobs to work. Responsibilities to manage, as well. Applying to Grad school(s). Et cetera, et cetera, and so forth. Now is the era of productivity and proficiency. Amidst all of this dizzying array of obligations and time-burglary it comforting to me that seeing a Segway PT on the roads can always bring a smile to my face.

The Cinema and Terrain Choices

I went into 'Journey to the Center of the Earth' (in 3-D!!!) expecting mole-people. I went into 'The Dark Knight' expecting to see Louie the Lilac. I was twice disappointed.

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These days mainlanding seems preferable to islanding. Seeing whales is preferable to both.

true patriot love.

On the third day that i owned my bike somebody tried to steal it. Fortunately they failed. My brand new lock now bares scars that will hopefully scare off any other would-be thieves rather than encouraging them to 'finish the job'.

Earlier that day I saw two ladies who seemed to have lost their pants while celebrating their country. They were smoking cigaroos on some steps downtown seemingly unaware of or unabashed by their pantslessness. What free spirits they are!

those bastards will bite.

Two large rocks had my marriage finger caught in the middle, causing said finger to swell to twice it's normal size and become purply and gross. This was the big event of my Thursday. Old Ringy has made a quick recovery and now only remains purple and hurty beneath the nail. There was surprisingly little spilt blood involved.

I've learned to be more careful when transporting large rocks and that the pain of a smashed finger can make one feel the need to vomit (I tried hard and held it in).

soiled, soft and wet.

The previous evening's rain led me to think that our abandoned mattress (along with our abandoned easy chair which I failed to mention earlier) would be staring us in the face for many days to come, scalding our hearts with shame, unwanted by all. Oh, but how wrong I was. Somehow, while I was away at work, these unwanted furniture items have disappeared.

A big thank you to the mysterious owner(s) of the hands that lifted these things out of my life.

freedom.

Rather than make any effort to get rid of it, my co-habitant and I simply hauled a stained old mattress to the sidewalk and slapped a "FREE!" sign to it.

They do it to raise 'Zombie Awareness'.

I've got Zombies on the mind these days. I think that I must have gotten too close to the 'Zombie Walk' that passed me by when I was in Edmonton a few weeks ago.

some facts.

So, I've been hanging my hat at a new abode. This abode is shared with a foxy roomie and I have nicknamed the place 'The Lovenasium'. This abode is small, but that's okay. I'm quite pleased with these new living arrangements.

Also you should know that I now work out of doors on certain days. Indoors on others as well. Sometimes I shovel rocks/soil and weed gardens, other times I sell mass quantities of Oprah-approved books. Both noble occupations.

Lastly, The other day I woke up with Falco whispering in my ear asking to be rocked by Amadeus.

That's all the merits mentioning for now.

stupid restaurant concept

In my early morning slumber I dreamt that my family was driving through the mountains. Presumably we were all a bit younger again in this dream. At least it seemed that way. Anyways, the mountains were looming above us with their imposing precipices and my Dad decided that we should stop at a restaurant to eat. At the restaurant he asked what they had to eat, the waitress began yelling at him that we hadn't brought our own food and how were they supposed to cook us a meal if we didn't give them something to cook with. In the dream, it occurred to the much younger version of me that this was possibly the worst concept for a restaurant that I had ever heard.

two

My two feet took me far. I spend time daydreaming about buying a step-counter. After a long day I could say, "I took 4518 steps today. Impressed?". People would reply, "Yes, very much so!"

This would never happen.

I'm a cowboy without a horse.

My bicycle and I have gone our separate ways. On my morning commute, certain pieces snapped and/or jammed and the bike tossed me. I kicked it hard. Some profanities were yelled.

Beating and cursing an inanimate object on a busy street is an embarassing way to start the day.

I guess that it's just me and new Blundstones for now.

Norco Mountaineer
(c. 1992-2008)